yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
we couldn't afford a big pool so we bought 2 kiddie pools and put the inflatable beer pong table inbetween. get over here. now.
im not gonna bother asking u how it was... we could hear u through the walls
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
Did you pee in the oven last night??
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
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