even through the webcam i could tell he was aiming for my face/hair
the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
New drinking game watching teenage mutant ninja turtles movie and drinking every time raphael says damn, someone says april or ms oneil, and shredder appears And every time we see a mustache
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
the reputation of my dick game is on the line. You're killing the team, here, G
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
Randomize
