Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
Going to the beach. Greeting Sandy with a blunt. Wish us luck!
Well we were going to compare notes, but all I could remember was throwing up, and all she could remember was kissing, so then we decided to not compare anything.
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
Giiirrrllll. Back to back snaps of dicks. Two different guys sent me their dick at the same time. This is totally what our founding fathers meant with life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
Randomize
