i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
Sometimes I worry for your future but then I remember how big your boobs are.
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
I want your cock.
All we are is dust in the wiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnd
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
I just realized I haven't looked at our horoscopes lately. If mine says anything about tweakers, I'm burning my phone.
Oh shit oh shit oh shit.
BURN THE PHONE.
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
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