Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
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how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
Jake and I will do a protection ritual for ur dick I don't know where she has been
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
Randomize
