wooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo
ooooooooooooo i'm drink
An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
i think i just lost a toe
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
You can't just bring up bondage and then stop answering me
The best walk of shames are on the highway
Randomize