after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
PRINCE HARRY WAS AT WAL MART SO NEXT TIME YOU BITCH ABOUT GOING TO WAL MART REMEMBER THAT EVEN PRINCE HARRY GOES TO WAL MART.
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
So, it's been almost 3 months and and I still dont know her last name. That's gotta be a record.
Just checked in with my friend who walked in on us. He thinks you two had a spiritual connection and he's bugging out
He was also rolling face on molly so his perception of divinity might be slightly off
Sexual favors are the only currency recognized by the Republic of Greg
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
Randomize
