You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
Think the blond can even spell "shiksa"?
I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
She keeps referring to it as an "us" Either she is seriously mistaken on what fuck buddies are or she learned another meaning of the word "us"
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
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