i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
You know your from las vegas when the girl on the stage in the strip club was in my US gov class senior year
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
You just kept walking around in a circle saying "well played 6th street well played" before falling over.
Kellie accidentally ran into the car with two teenagers making out. made a big thud. there was a loud scream and she was gone...haven't seen her since
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
He'd never survive you. Is there a boot camp for pre-heather training?
He told me that he had never gotten a blow job. I sat there for a second, then thought "I MUST FIX THIS!" It was fucking fantastic.
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
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