haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
What do they do with the elephants that die at the zoo
Cremation, why do you ask?
I think we have a bit of a problem
just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
We shot off some fireworks at 12 and then I orchestrated the group singing of god bless the USA all while wearing a don't tread on me flag as a cape. I repped hard.
He's on the bus now and took off his Amish hat so just his long ginger beard is present. Goodbye, majestic Amish ginger. Go forth and represent your minority well.
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
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