yeah it was kind of like, i'm 27 and still live in a frat house.. you honestly expect me to have "moral fiber" and a "conscience"
I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
Well yeah. But im not sure i trust the black out drunk high girl giving life advice
By talk things out did he mean have passionate angry sex?
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
Randomize
