The maid of honor just puked.
I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
Randomize
