walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
I would rather burn my vagina off with a damn flame thrower before I would touch anything that has touched her skank ass.
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
I'm trying to fuck him and feed him. I don't understand why it isn't working.
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
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