You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
i don't think you understand, blowjobs are like flowers for guys.
i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
so how was last night?
got high and had our usual talk about the definition of cole slaw. then tried to call the ramen noodle company and convince them why my face should be on thier packages.
Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
Nice. I like it when Maker's Mark makes decisions for you.
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