Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
At a St Pats house party. Just raised $110 for two short chicks to crawl into a dog cage together. Video forthcoming. Respect.
He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
The fact he has had a girlfriend for 5 years and they are trying to work it out isn’t going to stop me from sleeping with him. He said it himself you can’t cheat on someone you love...
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
Randomize
