I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
What do you think it is?
It's a boy. I know it. She always manages to have a cock inside her somehow.
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
Random Survey Question: If things start getting serious with this cop, do I have to stop doing coke?
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
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