i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
you inspire me to be a worse person
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
Pretty sure if we keep hanging out on Tuesdays there will be no whiskey left for the younger generations or the universe will implode....tomato tahmato
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
Randomize
