stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
Go for the frenulum. Its like eating a popsicle. They go nuts with that shit.
Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day.
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
I can't even spell what he said he was on. And I had to call 4 people before someone had heard of it.
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
I thought it turned out lovely. You got to see me almost naked and I got to be stoned to the point I was content with
Wtf when were you almost naked??
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
Randomize
