sometimes i shoot so far i amaze even myself.
Why dose there have to be another girl there for you to do this?
its hotter. Way hotter.
are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
We enjoyed our moment of partial gayness together
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
Randomize
