thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
is her vagina suppost to smell like dirty taco bell?
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
It isn't easy. I met him at the gym. He wanted to go out he doesn't drive so I drove and he wanted Dairy Queen where his sister is the manager. This is dating in my 20's
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
you drug him to get him horny then deny him sex. freaks.
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