The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
The beers last night were like the tears from god
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
Serious concern: will TSA confiscate my bondage rope?
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
all I know is that I was naked, and there were cheeto puffs everywhere...
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