and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
you were calling yourself Ulickes S. Cunt.
I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
Some girl next to me in class is making a list of whta to pack for spring break & it was a normal list until she put birth control in all caps w/ stars around it
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
Ok Ghana you win again. Tell you what...Double or nothing over women's tennis, basketball, hockey, war, baseball, golf, swimming, diving, oil spills, box office proceeds, internet porn sites, criminals incarcerated, women's downhill, bass fishing, NASCAR, or GDP?
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
Randomize
