he wasnt completely random
you're right. you met him once and didnt know his name. you still dont
i get things done.
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
must go to store soon wiping with panty liner ugh
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
Randomize
