They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
First coke bust down the road. Spring is finally here.
not my fault hes the one that tried to cuddle after. said he wanted to spoon away the shame.
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
Adderal just makes me love life. I want to do so much. I just can't stop thinking about all the wonderful opportunities we have and how lucky we are and I want to make a difference in the world. I just have to reign in my brain and convince it that changing the world starts with a college degree, which depends on studying for these finals.
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
Randomize
