How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
Yea. But u kept saying "as long as she doesn't have aids" so I was concerned
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
I'm eating Swedish fish out of my boobs and watching SOA.. There is no way your Tuesday night will be better than mine.
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
I'm not saying you're stupid, just that you have bad luck when thinking...
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
Randomize