Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
Totally smoking with fifteen year olds.
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
I bet I give better head than any other PTA mom.
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
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