I just saw a hot homeless man
yeah. and then it was like the room of requirement. the elevator just opened for our threesome.
so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
he just started chanting dark meat! dark meat! out of no where.
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
Randomize
