If you die in college, do you die in real life?
No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
It feels like New Years Day all over again...me trying desperately not to throw up in the backseat & mom and dad blissfully unaware in the front
Last night I dressed up as a cowgirl and walked into McDonald's. I bought 20 mcribs. There's pictures
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
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