You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
There's guys at my school running around throwing potatoes shouting "remember the famine." makes me proud to be Irish.
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
Sooo Zach and Judd are on my porch drunk eating leaves and flowers...
We're not piercing ourselves today.
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
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