Canada is now making docos about life in America. Its called Trailer Park Boys.
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
God gave him joint rollers for hands
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
Hiding in a kitchen with no pants orange juice abs a pillow...please joun
I haye tequella
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
It’s the biggest dick I’ve ever seen. His IQ drops 25 points when he’s hard because there’s no blood going to his brain
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