I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
koolaid chicken. i marinated it for 2 hours and roasted it on a rock in a fire. it was bright blue and raw. but that shit was tasty
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
Hamster emergency. Can u come in here
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
Randomize
