woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
Yeah. My legs are trembling...hard to walk. Feels like a neon arrow is pointing at me saying "just had sex (with not his wife)"
Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
Wedding update: no alcohol, 75% of people have left, no one is dancing, no single groomsmen, and it's 5:30. I'm going the fuck home to drink by myself.
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
Randomize
