yea..i want to get out of new york for a bit too but for the love of god not to new jersey. that's like getting tired of the stripclub and getting yourself a toothless prostitute.
I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
I don't even know what beauty is right now. I wouldn't even pity fuck me today.
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
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