sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
just answer this one ? for me. why is there human shit in my shower right now?
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
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