I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
I think I've had 45 beers today though So things are looking up.
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
The power of my boobs compel you
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
Randomize
