She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
i dont think there is any level of not caring that i havent covered in the last month
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
Refresh my memory....were we forced to leave or did we choose to leave?
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
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