You know, sometimes I seriously doubt your commitment to sparkle motion.
I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
Finished drinking tea out of a red party cup when I was done I flipped it without even thinking
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
I will not hesitate to go down on a dick for some cream soda.
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
I just want to buy drugs without having to pay an arm and a leg for it. Is that a horrible thing to ask for?
I mean, it's not like you can exactly complain to the manager and higher ups about it.
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
Still riding the magical train of drugs so, yeah, Id say I feel great
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
Randomize
