Actually, all he talks about is how great the sex is with her and how crappy you were at it. Stop being a bitch and gossiping masking it as self-righteousness.
the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
he was dropping me off and i told him i had to go to the bathroom and i leaned into kiss him and he asked how i went to the bathroom with a tampon up there... he was amazed that their was a third hole...and wanted me to show him where it was
Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
i wont go near him until the smell goes away , and he takes the chex mix box off his head.
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
Randomize
