Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
We had a complete conversation while I was giving him head, at one point he even stopped me and said 'I love how we're just hanging out.'
I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
Fuckkkk i made out with a freshman.....but he's old for his age. THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOURE NOT AROUND.
I have not carelessly put myself in herpes way since I got a clean bill of health tyvm.
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
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