im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
That shit is worth it...they got medicine for that now a days
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
I have a king size bed, I guarantee multiple orgasms, and I'll give you a ride home in the morning. Respond quickly.
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
I just took a plan B pill with my preworkout. That's the level I'm on today.
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
Randomize
