I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
I threw up into my coffee this morning.
almost passed out on the way to class today.. laid down in a construction site. bad idea
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
I am naked and annoyed.
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
I am attempting to break the habit of calling him daddy.
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
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