It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
we played a my little pint drinking game. It was awesome.
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
Randomize