when she said she would show you her other bow, she ment she wanted you to bend her over and see the tattoo on her lower back you idiot
Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
cat food counts as protein by the way
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
Boobs are out for the taking
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
Randomize
