you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
Shes definitely an expert at this. Her happy hour goes from 4 to 11, then she starts drinking heavy. She also allots 15 minutes each hour for a pee/bj break
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
3pm strippers are depressing
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
Some girl took her panties off, soaked them in vodka and wrung them out into a line of guys' mouths! Awesome!
No, NOT awesome. Where the fuck do you go drinking!?!
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
IS NO AN EMOTION BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT I'M FEELING RIGHT NOW
Do you think it's illegal to drive without your pants on?
He's throwing Skittles into my cleavage and some are rebounding into my crouch.
Well he's scoring either way then.
Randomize
