Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
I've never seen a dude bust out of his jacket and rock an air banjo like u
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
Uhmm, it's called hentai.
I DON'T CARE WHAT IT'S CALLED I DON'T WANT TO SEE IT ON MY WORK COMPUTER
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
So here I am, sexting at work.
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
Randomize
