wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
Randomize
