she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
you know what its like when everyone is chanting "do it, do it"...still friends?
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
Randomize
