Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
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