Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
she gave me one of her senior pics and told me specifically to give it to you. In other words she still wants to suck your dick.
I just texted him to come over because I want to see if his hand fits the handprint bruise on my ass.....I feel like the cinderella of S&M
It was odd. His friends dick tasted the same as his. Friends are beginning to have to much in common
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
Sex to movie scores is my best choice of the year. You've had an orgasm but have you had an orgasm with an entire orchestra.
Randomize
