During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
Think I can pull off edward 40 hands before class?
You might end up in the wrong class.
I'm a COM major, they're all the wrong class.
I WISH WE COULD PLAY THE DRINKING GAME TOGETHER AND THEN BANG FOR AMERICA.
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
Randomize
