2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
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