He seemed more like the type to get donkey punched by a she-male hooker to me
but i got with him after midnight so its technically 2 days
hahaha he is wasted in math class right now and is drawing all the planets in order from the sun
I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
he called us the olsen twins. we also rapped ignition much to his dismay.
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
WHY DID I MAKE A 7 minute video of me eating crackers and cheese when I was high
Send it to me
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
Randomize
