Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
Tequila me may have very bluntly told him that I wanted to touch his abs.
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
He literally cocked blocked all the dudes that tried to talk to the girls he was with, and they all loved him.
Same guy who tossed the brunet over his shoulder as they left screaming "Bring me my lucky shovel!"
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
Please don't give away my fajitas
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