At least make sure they are 18
Why
He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
I just saw a San Diego firetruck. No wonder they can't figure out how to fight wildfires if they get so fucking lost they end up in Nebraska.
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
I probably wouldn't hook up with him if I had to deal with more than his penis. i think cumulatively we are up to a minute of actual conversation this week.
My dick is covered in produce stickers. I suspect you
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
Kinda suprised you didn't immediately ask about the lesbian ghosts tho
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
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