I think I just saw someone hide a body.
i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
i just dont know how to see an unattractive person as more than a friend
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
That song just makes me wanna take off my top and shake my titties all around the club.
Why do so many fanfic writers want to see hockey players get pregnant?
Randomize