so... another position just opened up(704) Oh really?(704) Is it John's?(704) Or did you find a new way to take a penis?
I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
Find out what day classes start and I will come down to Richmond that weekend. Any broad who claims to be 18-21 will be promptly ID'd. My job has trained me to spot a fake from a mile away, and I don't need a statutory rape charge.
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
They're having lesbian sex while I play super mario world. I hope they like the music
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
Randomize
