dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
Shaving your vagina at 8 months pregnant is not an easy chore.
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
yeah a little bit of me felt bad about it. But the rest of me was having sex with him.
he ate me out like he was chugging a beer.
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
Her blow jobs are legen wait for it seriously like 9 people I know brag about them dary
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
Randomize
