just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
You better have your party panties on Saturday!
Why only Saturday?
Well I have an AA meeting Sat morning so I'm going to try to take it easy Fri.
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
The only thing I really remember is repeating "I hope I still have a job on Monday". Oh and pulling my boob out of my dress.
So I take it the company Christmas dinner went well then...
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
okay, please tell me Cammy is the one who put the picture and note on my desk saying "beat off to this homeboy"
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
Randomize
