her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
every single time I see a picture of the two of them on facebook, I want to just call her and scream "your boyfriend said I give the best head on the east coast". But I've been told that would be inappropriate.
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
Well am going to a strip club before sun down, I dont think anything good can come from that.
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
Nutrition teacher wants anything i eat or drink documented for the week including dancefestopia. Do you know the recommended daily ammount of psylicybin or MDMA?
when I die covered in cocaine, hookers, and tequila at 73 years old just remember that I once had a tweet with that many retweets
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
I deserve this hangover.
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
Randomize
