I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
I wanna get FUCKED up and fail the piss test at my eval so they send me to detox and give me suboxone... Is that bad?
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
we found her. shes in the bathtub full of raw pasta. i dont even know...
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
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