3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
It started with Hannah Montana and ended with alcoholism.
To think... Somewhere, too drunk by buckcherry is someone's theme song
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
He had really great hair, but he told me he's been in a psych ward three times. I mean I know I'm a psych major, but that's too much.
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
Randomize
