I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
I'm not saying I want a booty call. I just want what Cory and Topanga had.
I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
I've never watched DWTS before, but this show's got Pamela Anderson, Erin Andrews and Brooke Burke: 3 of my top 10 all time most masturbated to women.
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
Just delivered a pizza to a holiday inn and a delivery driver from Me n Ed's walked up at the same time, we both were going to the same floor so we stood in the elevator making small talk about delivery stuff, but a small part of me wanted to deck him, stand over him and shout,"FOR THE HUT MOTHERFUCKER, FOR THE HUT!"
Jesus christ, don't start a pizza delivery gang war.
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
have fuck
*fun
actually forget it have a fuck too it'll do you good
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
Randomize
