even my farts smell like vagina
And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
In 2009 his now husband dressed in a sailor onesie and heels for pride so he needs to REMEMBER how to party
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
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