so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
This kid is drunk.
I hope by "this kid" you mean yourself and not some child you have kidnapped and gotten wasted.
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
Wait I can't come yet Mr. Brightside is playing
ok i defs just took my shirt off in the middle of a frat party though so keep me updated
i have a strong feeling that today will be a naked day for me...i don't feel like doing shit
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