I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
She's 90% sass and 10% boobs
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
Wearing panties to a party gives you a whole new perspective on life.
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
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