You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
It was ok at first, but now im getting freaked out by him jerking off to me doing yoga
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
Man, I wish they all looked like that. Your vagina deserves to have a nice frame around it, and God's signature at the bottom.
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
Molly I still can't believe u puked in that guys hands and still got laid
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
Randomize
