waiting in line for my ID. the kid in front of me reaks of hopes and dreams and hornyness-- freshmen by calvin klein
At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
LISTEN TO ME! GAY. FIREFIGHTER. They are the most rare and precious kind of gay. The kind little gays dream of. It needs to happen.
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
I don't think this guy is worth it unless he's a skilled sexual amigo
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
Randomize
