She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
It took too long for people to come up with things in "never have i ever" so we had to change it to "Don't judge me but.."
I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
No one should ever be so high that they forget the food. That's just...its a violation of God and Nature, of the very laws that we live by!
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
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