You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
walking on gravel proved too much for her barefeet so she traded her bra for some guys sneakers.
Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
I don`t remember Saturday, actually
Its ok, i dont remember 2007
Do you think if you have sex with a girl twin, her twin brother feels it to? Woke up at her house and they both have a look of disappointment on their faces.
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
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