you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
The police report said that there were 25 cases of bud light, two hookers fighting in the street, 13 cop cars, and two road blocks, a kid got tazered, another got maced, and over a hundred people in the house
So that means its a bad thing that your dad found it huh?
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
Well, she chose the fuckboy life or the life chose her. Not sure which one but either way I don't need that negativity in my life.
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
We never leave a bad bitch behind. its a party foul..we'll find you somehow
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