I like the name aiden. he likes stella. I told him they're coming out of my vagina, and I will name them what I damn well please. Stella goes.
he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
They just yellow carded someone for spilling a drink because it was a party foul. Love germans.
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
Hey I'm sorry for head butting you last night. Personally I thought it was funny at the time, but I can see how from your perspective it may not have been as enjoyable for you... Hope your lip is okay.
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
He’s only in town today and our afternoon sex sesh kept getting interrupted by the neighbor’s kid yelling and screaming in the pool
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