i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
There is a glee sing along. It's on random and they know them all. Like, the specific glee timings and pauses. I need to leave. I need to escape
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
I don't want to sleep with any other woman but you but I want to try this whole mother daughter thing that would be nuts
We hotboxed his bathroom. going to be a good night
Hotbox went wrong - smoke sets off fire alarm. Firefighters coming
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