Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
did i walk over a car last night?
I just noticed my teeth are no longer straight. Wondering if anyone had an explanation.
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
I lost my bra at his grandma's house so there's that.
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
You threw up with such class too! Tiara and all.
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
Randomize
