last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
we've progressed from teabagging to lighting eachothers asses on fire. this cannot be a good path.
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
Random Survey Question: If things start getting serious with this cop, do I have to stop doing coke?
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
BRING THE BAGELS
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
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