I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
What a dumb baby whore.
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
Randomize
