Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
Shouldn't have fucked on the top bunk, I bounced so high my hair got caught in the ceiling fan and almost broke my neck.
it still weirds me out that Robin Thicke is Alan Thicke's son
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
It must be love. I'm deleting my porn for him.
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
Randomize
