i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
I like yr title more along "the hot Russian I have sex with."
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
i read his ps3 instant messaging thing... he's meeting a guy to have sex. i think your boyfriend's gay
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