If i have to listen to his problems about his girlfriend, he should at least let me suck his cock.
I don't plan to be alive for 2010 so ima say this 12 hours early. Happy New Year bitches
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
To be honest i'm almost glad he got arrested. His girlfriend and i kept making out so i'm pretty sure the alternative was a threesome. Now we're just the trashy girls who visit him in jail.
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
Did a 4 pm walk of GLORY the next day.
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
Randomize
