ashley and jimmy are about to have sex on degrassi.... EVERYONES GETTING LAID BUT ME
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
i'm currently connecting with my tribal roots aka i just found my recorder from 3rd grade music class... be ready for the recording
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
honestly if there were pictures of last night i would be embarrassed.... im embarrassed without pictures
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
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