I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
She solidified the fact that the icon from Wendy's is the only ginger I care for
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
Dunno yet. Probably just gonna play the s.t.d. russian roulette game with random bartenders at the beach again. Same 'ol same 'ol
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
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