I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
i just kept saying he was red & i was blue and we couldnt become purple. I started crying at one point
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
I mean i can't really be mad...either way i was gonna fuck him or hate fuck him, so it's basically a win/win situation.
hope your day is as exciting as mine- one of our trauma patients just stole an ambulance out of our bay... WITH AN EMT STILL IN IT.
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
He handed me a beer to drink as he went down on me. I want to keep him
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
Randomize
