Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
As soon as I saw the video camera and red light on, I started rolling my eyes when he would put it in me and telling him maybe his dick was too small cause I didn't feel anything...trust me that tape is going nowhere
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
RIGHT?!?! I'M ACTUALLY UPSET I DON'T GET TO MAKE THE 2.3 MILE TREK TO SUCK HIS COCK, yes I google earthed it.
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
Paris has not been good for her. Everytime she has a one night stand from a different country, she buys a mini flag and tapes it to her wall with the others
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
You cried for a while then lifted lots of weights then cady's ex put glitter on your tits and then you took a nap. I got you pizza and brought you home. Nothing too exciting.
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
He got me off while watching hockey. He's a keeper.
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