I accidentally told him I've been cheating on him with his brother last night.
How did that happen by accident?
I was drunk and vomited all over him and thought, "maybe he will just stay with me out of pity if I tell him with stomach acid and alcohol all over his crotch." I was wrong.
I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
how did he go about obtaining bull sperm?
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
I wanna throw up and cum in that order
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
As sure as my left ball is bigger then my right. We will have our moment.
I hope so much that you got average or above average dick tonight because I wish you the best
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
Randomize
