About to find out how well alcohol and lazer tag mix.
been home a week and haven't blacked out yet. i miss college
Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
My goal for this summer is to make enough extra money to be able to afford the ticket for water skiing naked.
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
What a dumb baby whore.
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
I am going to go Miley Cyrus crazy if I don't get sex soon
Headline in the alligator: young zeta goes berserk after lack of sex and is found naked swinging from wrecking ball on university ave, refuses to get down until sex partner is found
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
Randomize
