M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
Want to sleep. Also want to see Alex on MDMA doing really stupid shit. Choices...
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
I’m torn. She’s crazy - like legitimately “Wear your skin as a suit” crazy. But her blow jobs and dirty talk are Pornhub quality!
Randomize
