She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
BOOTY CALL IN EFFECT, BOOTY CALL IN PROCESS, BOOTY CALL ACCEPTED, AND BOOTY CALL INITIATES FRIDAY NIGHT.
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
Hypothetically speaking, at what point does fire become too much fire?
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
help. there is a guy in a bunny costume.
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
Randomize