So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
He has me blocked on facebook.... so I stalked him using my cats fan page.
Randomize
