I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
I think getting shot is the thing to do in Brooklyn
i told him i was gay. he said that gay guys are supposed to be pretty.
I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
I'm pretty sure "tag teaming" and "looking for stability" are not synonymous.
Not yet.
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
Randomize
