I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
I may or may not be negotiating a deal of baked goods for socks...keep you posted
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
"YOU ALWAYS BEEN A HOE YOU ALWAYS GONE BE A HOE. THAT'S JUST THE WAY IT'S GONE BE." overheard at temple
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
Randomize
