Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
well shes beginning to earn a reputation as "the girl who tries to bone her hook ups in the ass with a pickle"
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
Posh spice and Baby spice both in one night. Fantasy complete. God bless halloween.
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
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