I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
BAHHAHHAHHAHAHHA SOME ASS IS BIYING NE DRHBKS. DRUBK
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
there is a guy passed out on top of me and i don't know what to do. help if you're awake? was anyone anyone expecting someone? maybe he found the wrong room?
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
Randomize
