He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
Dude has a bag of wine attached to his belt. These guys don't fuck around.
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
Member that time when we got super drunk and had fun and fell in love
I remember it like it was tomorrow.
It's 3:30pm, I've been out of bed for an hour and spent most of that barfing. We're switching to beer next debate.
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
Randomize
