I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
Needless to say Beer Gardens severly frowns upon playing flip cups with real glasses.
I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
90 persent of me said don't pee on that fake plant. Buyt i did
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
Can you repeat that, but with context?
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
He's a snuggler. Every time I attempt to make a move to find my bra he reigns me in. Needless to say i could be here a while.
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