FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
I deem her datable let the dance of attraction commence
He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
Randomize
