Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
I'll call you tomorrow. I'm ok and back i love you goodnight.
I stole a bike. Here's a pic
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
Night is still young. Puking guts out part of it just began
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
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