If I go to jail what happens to my debt?
You dont have to pay it.
I'm going to jail.
if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
My mom just told me that after i turned eight i stopped growing mentally and emotionally
I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
I'm proud of all of us. Somehow we all survived another Jägerbomb Tuesday
Current dream situation- Gordon Ramsey is my Uber driver and he's hauling around a backseat filled with chocolate covered açai berries. I'm good for eternity.
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
Randomize
