Betty ford says i'm here all night
I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
we did anal to Party In The USA and he busted to Firefies .. felt like we were fucking in a middle school dance
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
For sure. We should see if we can get Mike to pay for one, and have a triple kegger... :o==& (that's future me projectile vomiting. i try to be goal oriented)
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
What I love about college? The kid tripping balls has a kayak made readily available to him on any given Wednesday, Saturday, or Sunday.
We made a water bong out of a wine bottle... Being an architect major finally payed off.
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
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