Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
This just in: Jon Gosselin's address-The Alexandra. I bet if we showed up he'd date us.
Kelly Kapowski is pregnant and it's not Zach Morris'. I no longer believe in true love.
his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
it's a shower with the lights off kind of day
Randomize
