I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
Just woke up in my fuck buddies bed with, from the looks of her ass and side boob, a girl that is not my fuck buddy. This should be interesting
he's had a change of heart. and besides, we could use a laugh.
oh, well, if you all need a good laugh, by all means endanger my life.
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
Randomize
