Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
yes he does come on. what guy wouldnt want his penis named after a dragon
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
Lets just say that a certain piercing set off certain alarms when I went thru the airport detector/scanner thingie. David was high fived like 12 times.
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
Randomize
