fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
just so you know, the uglier twin gives better bjs..don't be deceived
it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this.
The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
Cant really say how it happened but i woke up in the middle of the night and somehow pissed all over connors dad
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
all I remember is grinding on everyone in the room regardless of gender and quoting the lion king non-stop. We need to stop buying Jameson.
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
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