he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
you blew your rape whistle in his face every time he got near a girl till he left the party...
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
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